Woody's Roundup
by DaManWitThaPlan
Summary: Woody Carter was your run-of-the-mill burglar who was quick with a joke. At least he was, until STAR Labs decided to go up in flames. Now, he has to learn about the new world that he's been thrust into. And, well, it's always exciting when Woody is nearby.
**Central City, Missouri, USA, Earth-1**

 **December 11th, 2013**

 **7:25 PM**

Of all the nights to pull a heist. ' _Everyone will be at the STAR Labs unveiling._ ' They said. ' _One, maybe two cops at most._ ' They said. ' _Bullshit._ ' I say. If that's the case, why am I running through Central City Park with at least four cops on my case?

Because I'm a moron, that's why.

I said it a million times. Only small stuff from here on out. Ever since Starling City had The Arrow show up, every crook around here has been waiting for Central to get its own suited-up freak, including me. And the one time I let me greed get the better of me, the museum is holding an after-hours tour and there just happens to be two off-duty police officers who absolutely needed to see a replicate of Attila the Hun's hut tonight. I should have done my research beforehand. My mom always said my overconfidence would be my downfall. What's that saying? ' _Even a blind hag gives good advice once in awhile_ '? I hope she never finds out. I could never handle another 'I told you so' from her. When I think about it, this situation just keeps getting worse. Guess I'll just have to improve it.

Alright think, what are my current options out of this mess besides 'keep running' and 'give up'…I got nothing. Damn it. Guess we stick with the first option for now.

My legs started burning, not good. Just when I was about to start weighing the pros and cons of giving up, my savior decided to show itself. The park woods. I remember making fun of those eco-hippies going around trying to get these trees planted. I can eat my crow once this is over.

Zig-zag through the trees. Grab the lowest hanging branch you can get. Jump up and start climbing. Just like my daddy taught me. If my daddy were my ten years street knowledge and criminal activity. I should probably look for better parental figures.

I reached a sturdy branch and sat down to catch my breath. Police flashlights broke through the blackness below as they raced past my tree. Suckers.

"Good luck trying to catch criminal mastermind Woody Carter." I whispered to the other tree branches.

I cringe, hard. That sounded way better in my head. I need to leave the diabolical one-liners to the comic book villains. It's not like don't want to take over the world, it's just that I'd rather stay at home and watch TV or eat a nice meal. My stomach goes crazy at the thought of a meal.

"You'll get yours soon buddy. We just got to lie low for a few." I say as I rub my stomach. When you don't have people you can rely on in your life, your stomach normally ends up becoming your best friend. Or maybe that's just me.

The forest gets quiet as the flashlights fade into the distance. The odd breeze sways the smaller trees and picks up the leftover leaves on the ground.

I drop my shoulders and sigh. Twenty-eight years old and I can't count how many times I've been in this situation. The running from the cops part, not the sitting in a tree at night and talking to my stomach part.

I used to love the thrill of it all. The chases and adrenaline rushes was what appealed to teenage, hood rat Woody. The money I needed for food and a roof over my head is what got twenty year-old Woody. I understood what I was doing was illegal every step of the way. At first, I didn't care, then I realized that it was all I knew how to do. And I'm damn good at it too. Haven't been caught once and there's never enough evidence for them to even bring me in for questioning. I'm a thorn in the side of half the Police Department.

You must be thinking, ' _How is that possible?_ ' I'm going to let you in on a trade secret. Listen closely now. The bad guys do get away from time to time. Not all cops are moral, persistent, protectors of justice. Heroes don't exist. It's the truth and truth hurts. You don't get where I am by not being reminded of that fact at least a few times.

Back to what I was saying. Having a majority of the CCPD want you in handcuffs is definitely less than ideal, however you learn to live with it. But that kind of lifestyle catches up to you, just like age.

I'm getting old, this I cannot deny. Maybe it's time to cash in what chips I have left and go legit. I always wanted to open up a shop or something. Get to know all the locals and regulars by name. Hey, who said a known criminal could never be about the community? Ronald Reagan, that's who.

I was broken away from my musings by my tree shaking. I'm not a botanist, but even I know that's not right. I look up and see I giant orange tornado column of doom. There's really no other way to describe it. It is very sci-fi and it's coming from the most sci-fi place in the city, STAR Labs. Even a high-school dropout like me can put two and two together. Prognosis: not good.

Just as I was about to shimmy down the tree as fast as I could and start running towards Metropolis, it got worse. I knew ditching the cops that easily was too good to be true. The column gave off a shockwave and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It's like watching a train wreck or the open mic night at the local dive bar. You knew nothing good was going to happen but you can't stop watching. It is one of the craziest things I've ever seen, and before I knew what was going on, the damn thing decided to hit me.

It knocked me off the branch and I started free falling. At least to the normal person I was. From my perspective, everything slowed down. Maybe this is what they mean when they say your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die or maybe this is a byproduct of being body slammed by orange science. Regardless, I'm savoring the moment. I stared at the never-ending blackness below and my current situation reminded me of my life for some reason. And in that moment I made up my mind. If I survive this fall, I'm setting up my shop and enjoying life. No more burglar bullshit. Watch out world, Woody Carter is going legit!

And at that particular moment, the ground decided to say hello.

* * *

 **This my first fanfic, so I apologize if this is a hot pile of garbage. I finally decided I'd try my hand at this as a way to practice my writing. So regardless of what you have to say, whether it be good or bad, I want to hear it.**

 **I wanted to try something different from what I normally see on . Hopefully I'll find the time and motivation to keep it going. I hope you enjoyed the beginning(?) of "Woody's Roundup".**


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